đ Giving without expecting anything in return
What I learned from reading Adam Grantâs book, Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives our Success
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I was reading Adam Grantâs Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success a few days ago, and there was a chapter that mentioned Adam Rifkin, founder of Panda Whale who has been described as the best networker by Fortune. How did he become the most well-connected person on LinkedIn? Through the power of generous giving.
Reading about his mentality when it comes to giving opened my eyes to the importance of generosity. He frequently practices the 5 minute rule, which says that you should be willing to do something that takes 5 minutes or less for anybody. He also calls 5 minute favors micro-loans, ways you can help someone else at a minimal cost to you. I thought to myself: seriously? He is willing to spend at least five minutes giving back to anyone?
I decided to test it out⊠I sent him a connection request on LinkedIn, expecting not to hear back from him. Heâs the most well-connected person on LinkedIn, after all. A few hours after I sent the connection request, he accepted it, and added a message that said: âThank you for connecting here, Niki. Cheers!â At that point I realized that giving meant simply being kind with others and open to the world. I was then inspired to write this piece on ways in which we can all give, that are easy, donât burn us out, and make us happy people as a result.
Context
Takers, matchers and givers are the three reciprocity styles that exist and dictate how we interact with people around us, says Adam Grant. Hereâs the breakdown of what each of these behavioral tendencies look like in people:
đ€« Takers try to get as much as they can from people while contributing as little as they can
đ€ Givers enjoy helping others and tend to give more than they receive
đ€ Matchers aim for quid pro quo, âI help you, you help meâ
Many people think that successful people are either takers or matchers. But thatâs not the realityâŠ
The least successful and the most successful are the givers. Wait, that doesnât even make sense? Well, there happen to be two types of givers:
đ„” Selfless givers are always helping others, even if it means sacrificing themselves
â Otherish givers try to be as helpful as they can, without losing sight of their own goals and responsibilities
It turns out that Selfless givers lie at the lower echelons of the performance scale, and Otherish givers lie at the upper echelons of such.
Why are the most successful people otherish givers?
Because being a giver pays off in the long term. When you give to others, you build a better reputation, cast a wider net(work) and build stronger relationships. But if you burn out, you wonât be able to give.
Qualities of givers
There three main qualities that define givers:
- They believe in the potential of people, creating positive self-fulfilling prophecies for those around them
- They give up power, ask questions and seek advice
- When they succeed, it spreads and cascades
âGivers, takers, and matchers all can â and do â achieve success. But thereâs something distinctive that happens when givers succeed: it spreads and cascades. When takers win, thereâs usually someone else who loses. Research shows that people tend to envy successful takers and look for ways to knock them down a notch. In contrast, when [givers] win, people are rooting for them and supporting them, rather than gunning for them. Givers succeed in a way that creates a ripple effect, enhancing the success of people around them. Youâll see that the difference lies in how giver success creates value, instead of just claiming it.â
How to give
Giving is not only about volunteering or donating money. In fact, giving can mean many things â sharing advice, helping those around us, and doing random acts of kindness, just to mention a few. There are several techniques you can follow to become a better giver:
- The 5-minute rule: Coined by Adam Rifkin, the 5-minute rule is the idea that you should be willing to give 5 minutes of your time to anybody. He also calls these types of favors microloans â investments that can have a grander impact on others than you can even imagine, without taking too much of your time. Some examples are: making an introduction, giving feedback, offering advice, etc.
- The 100 rule: Research has found that ~100 hours of giving back per year leads to greater levels of happiness. Any less than that can lead to not feeling like youâre having that much of an impact in the world, and any more than that can start having diminishing returns (plus, you risk getting burnt out). 100 hours per year ends up breaking down into ~2 hours of giving back each week. And this doesnât have to necessarily be volunteering, as I mentioned above. It can be taking a 1 hour call with someone looking to learn more about your career, or helping out your parents/grandparents when they donât know how to do something technology-related, for example.
- Practice chunking, and not sprinkling: If you can, do your ~2 hours of giving the same day. A good time to do this is during the weekend. Doing this, as opposed to sprinkling your giving throughout the week, allows you to see the impact youâre having on others more tangibly.
- Choose a specialization: Instead of being a jack of all trades, you can slowly build an intuition on what types of favors you want to be doing for others. This allows you to gain a reputation as someone with expertise in a particular area, so people will come to you for that.
So what are you waiting for? Start giving back. Once you start living your life altruistically, youâll notice the difference. Your life will take on a whole new level of purpose, and you will see everything from another vantage point.
And know that not only will you realize the impact youâre having on others, but you will also realize the impact others are having on you, and become grateful for all of those people that catapult you to become a bigger, better version of yourself. A great way to appreciate those around you for what they do is following the 30 Days of Appreciation handouts by the Conscious Leadership Group.
A parting thought: Give, as the impact will make your life more fulfilling, and notice when others give to you, as you will become more grateful for life.